1. Make decisions and stick by them. Before you rush off and start talking about “papers”, make sure that it is 100% over.
2. Do Not try to force someone to come back- When it’s over, it’s over. Harassing someone is illegal.
3. Do not run your mouth. You should have a small group of people to lean on (like 3 or 4) and your lawyer. That is it. Remember, discretion is often the better part of valor. The less you say, the less that can be misinterpreted or used against you.
4. Refrain from revenge. Your primary goal is to GET OUT and MOVE ON. Not payback.
5. Do Not put children in the middle. Your divorce is between you and your spouse. Your children are bystanders. Not allies. Do not force them to take sides.
6. Do not discuss your spouse with anyone. This is especially true for your children. You may not be able to avoid talking about your spouse completely, but never say anything more than the truth. Little smart or snide comments will only make you look melodramatic and alienate your children.
7. Avoid writing anything. Let all written correspondence come through your lawyer.
8. Be Fair. Don’t try to cheat or swindle your soon to be ex. Give them what’s theirs and then get over it. You will have to do it in the end anyway because that’s how the legal system works. So go ahead and get it over with and do it with dignity.
9. Be Humble. No one takes a jackass seriously. Act your age and be respectful. It will make things go smoother.
10. DO NOT LIE. You will be found out. Always tell the truth. No matter how ugly. It makes things go easier and faster.
Divorce is hard. It sucks for every person involved and it can make you feel less than human. But that doesn’t give you a free pass to act like an angry idiotic moron. Society, your children, and your family did not make your marriage fail. They may be factors, but in reality, the problem is between you and your spouse and is no one else’s business. Keep it that way.
If you are an actual adult dealing with an angry idiotic moron, then God bless you. This road you’re on is a hard row to hoe. Of course, I am sure you already know that. You will find out if you’re dealing with a nut about two seconds after you finally decide to walk away for good. Remember that that person will have to find sanity on their own and as long as you hold yourself in the right, there isn’t any more that you can do.
Let me say that this article is specifically aimed at people who are completely sure that their marriages are 150% over. If you are still holding out hope that you can make it work, then you are in a whole other ballgame. But the same applies to you too. Be sane and refrain from acting like a child. You will know soon enough if the other party is willing to do the same.
Love is always worth the effort. It’s just that humans do cruel things to it. That doesn’t mean it isn’t there, or that you won’t ever find yourself in a good relationship. It just means that you have to protect it and sometimes the best way to protect something is to let it go.